Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
