I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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