Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Help me help you realize you are a moron
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
