I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
