i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
