Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
