sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ttyl tear gas
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A bitchslap is in order.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
