3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
birth control should be required to get into college
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
