I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize