i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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