your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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