I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
