There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
