Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
