Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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