it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
