He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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