she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ttyl tear gas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
