Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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