Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
