I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
