i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
