I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
