Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
