I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
