dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
