I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
