The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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