It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
