everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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