i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
