I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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