Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
