I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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