I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
