I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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