Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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