thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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