Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
