FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
