Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
