He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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