I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
