The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
