So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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