dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
