good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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