all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
