It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
