I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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