I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
