some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
