my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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