Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
