Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
