Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
