So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
