Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
